I haven't posted in a while. The holidays kinda had me feeling kinda down. Another holiday season in New York City without my family or my closest friends. With it being Fedex's busiest time of the year, I had to work at fed on the days before and following the holidays and I couldn't take off work. I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with Brandon Parker, his momma - Felicia, Brandon's friend Perryn who is a fashion design student at the prestigious Parson's School of Design, and my favorite makeup artist, Crystal Clark. It was nice being with new friends, eating great food prepared by "momma Parker" and chillin with them, but nothing compares to my Granny and her sisters arguing about who has gained the most weight, my momma acting all antisocial and crazy, and my uncle Junebug staggering all over everybody and talking shit. I miss my friends coming thru to rescue me from my ghetto family antics and us going to see dumb movies and eating at Rafferty's. (boy am I feening for that potato soup and croissants with that honey butter, mmmmm)
I spent New Year's eve alone at home in my 12x12 room lying on my floor missing my family reflecting on being in NY and feeling alone for another year. Thinking about all the people I have extended myself beyond what I had to do to help them get to a better place for their goals and careers.
My Grandmother raised me to be generous and helping. She always say help as many people you can as long as it doesn't put you out. So I do and will continue to, but what started to bother me was that I felt like no one was reaching out their hand to help me. I have never felt more alone then what I feel here in NYC. So for the New Year I ask God to surround me with people who will have my back like I have got theirs. Most of the people in NYC are in my life no because they genuinely like me and want to be around me but because of what I can do for them and what they can get from me. I have decided to look out more for myself because I can do more for others if I am in a better place for myself. I have made the decision to do the kind of work I want to do regardless of what agents want from me, models want from me, stylist, makeup artist want from me......its 2009 and it's time for me to take mines....especially since noone is trying to give it to me.
No more free rides in 2009 pimpin. You wanna ride, then give me somethin on the gas, lol.
I am in what's supose to be the greatest city in the world and I haven't really experienced it. I spent so much time shooting and retouching and sitting in front of this crappy computer in this 12x12 room ----I have let what I love to do become some kind of prison punishment. I have allowed people to pressure me about what they want and what they need from me to keep me in this hole........ no more. I have made a personal promise to myself to go to events, art museums, fashion stuff, and take advantage of what being here in New York City has to offer. These people and what they want from me can wait or get someone else to do it. Its time for me to get crunk up in this bitch....lol and have some fun.